I’m really bad with names and faces, too, even with actors and actresses—I guess we’re supposed to just call them all “actors” now, but I didn’t want anyone to think that I meant only dudes—with whom I share any number of intimate connections—if there’s quick flash of a peen or a nice ass, I will rewind it at least one more time, just sayin’—and might even have a history.

I’m not talking about look-alike celebrities, who I don’t even try to master. Sorry, Amy Adams and Isla Fisher, from here on out, you are the same person.

I first noticed it with black people and thought it was a sign of some screaming racism and was terrified. Then I realized it happens to almost everyone, even people who look like me, on the screen, even if I have seen her or him in my favorite films. This guy looks familiar, where do I know him from? Oh, yeah, it’s the guy from that one Star Wars film, but he has glasses on now!

It wasn’t till the third of fourth season of Mad Men that I realized Peggy was actually Zoey from The West Wing, a show I’ve binged at least three times. (Never let me catch you or anyone using another but praise and superlatives about Elisabeth Moss, or I will cut you within an inch of your Netflix account!)

It’s forever a source of frustration—and embarrassment, which is why I have a habit of keeping my mouth shut during films. It has nothing to do with my attention span because I am definitely resisting the urge to check my phone for messages or ask you about our snacking options.